{"id":684,"date":"2019-03-17T17:48:15","date_gmt":"2019-03-18T00:48:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/?p=684"},"modified":"2019-03-17T17:48:20","modified_gmt":"2019-03-18T00:48:20","slug":"fighting-anxiety-with-nail-polish","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/2019\/03\/fighting-anxiety-with-nail-polish\/","title":{"rendered":"Fighting Anxiety with Nail Polish"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Nail polish? How does that even . . .<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No, really. Just stick with me on this one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s been a tough six months for me. Real Life<\/em> has kicked my butt bad. As a result, my anxiety reared its ugly head again, I\u2019ve gone back on medication, and I\u2019m dealing with all the consequences as best I can.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also haven\u2019t been writing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the worst part for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Backstory<\/strong>: If you\u2019ve followed my sporadic and disjointed miss-adventures on this blog, you may or may not know I work in Alberta\u2019s battered Oil & Gas industry. Five years ago, it was the hip thing, to work in O&G\u2014something to be proud of. I\u2019d tell people I work in O&G and I\u2019d get nods of approval and wide-eyes of wonder. Fast-forward to today. When I tell people I work in O&G, I get a wince and an \u201cOoooh\u201d\u2014like the kind of Ooooh <\/em>you hear when a guy gets nailed in the crotch by a skateboard. Although my company is surviving the economic downturn, we\u2019re doing so using less-than-admirable tactics.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
This Ooooh courtesy Cheezburger<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

At work, we acquired a new company, we\u2019ll call it Company X. This was just the start of breaking down my walls that let anxiety back into my life. At the same time, the company decided to replace our ERP system (the system that basically runs the company), decommission Company X\u2019s ERP that ran their <\/em>company, combine workforces, combine decades of data, and re-train a workforce 3,000-people strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We had 2 months to do this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Yeah, screw you too, time. (Courtesy Cheezburger<\/a>)<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Come November, I sat in my Doc\u2019s office in tears. I couldn\u2019t sleep, I couldn\u2019t eat, and I couldn’t speak without stuttering. Every waking moment was filled with horrific realizations that I forgot to send an email, and uncontrollable panic attacks that I had an 8am meeting. Meanwhile, all our timelines were slipping, our vendors gave us greenhorn resources fresh out of college, and we kept hearing word everyday that yet another aspect of the business was changing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

On the other end of the spectrum, I was providing work references for three former team members who had been out of work for at least eight months\u2014one of them going on two years\u2014and I kept repeating to myself \u201cBe thankful you still have a job. Be thankful you still have a job.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a terrible position to be in, both mentally and\nphysically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
If you haven’t watched People of Earth, go watch it. Now!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The New Year rolled around. The new ERP went in with enough sparks to challenge the Shaw Holiday Log for cozy warm television supremacy. We re-trained a workforce on a system that kept crashing and freezing because we didn\u2019t have the time nor the manpower to shore up its resources. We transferred data piece by agonizing piece over weeks and weeks of \u201cOkay, try it now<\/em>\u201d scenarios that took far too long to correct.\u00a0 All the while, we were scrutinized. “Why is this taking so long?” “Why are you running into so many difficulties?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All I heard was: “Why aren\u2019t you doing your job, Rissa?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

After the New Year, we were assured things would calm down. And they did . . . for about a week because we had a change freeze in effect. During that week alone, me and my team had time to breath and we had time to properly put out a few fires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then the next declaration came down: replace our document management solution and our integration system that took six months and four programmers to build.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Time frame for that? End of March. It was Jan 16. We had a single programmer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Another trip to the Doc. Another prescription.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Be thankful you still have a job.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since September of 2018, I\u2019ve been medicated. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To add to that, my body weight has dropped by almost 20\npercent. My BMI was a dangerous 17.5. I suffered heart palpitations. I suffered\nmore ocular migraines. I suffered digestive issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve got to do something,\u201d Doc tells me. \u201cNothing is worth your health.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve been with this company for over ten years, and I’ve pulled it’s bum out of the fryer several times already. I wasn’t about to give up. I’d done it before, I’d do it again\u2014pull that miraculous solution out of my bum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But that thought led me to a panic attack so severe I was in the washroom throwing up what little food I could get in my stomach from dinner. I shook from head to toe. My heart was in my throat beating as hard as it could.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I drug myself to bed and collapsed. On a whim, I rolled\nover, grabbed my tablet, and hit the first icon I could find. YouTube.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My recommended feed showed me the typical fare\u2014Game of\nThrones breakdowns, KPop videos, and  . .\n. a nail art video?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
The video that started it all, Simply Nailogical<\/a>‘s Raindrop Nails<\/a>.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The thumbnail looked neat, some sort of rain drop effect but using nail polish. I clicked on the video and became instantly hooked. I watched that video two and three times over, took notes of all the items she used, and went straight to Amazon to buy UV nail polish and a curing lamp.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
My Raindrop Nails. Not bad for my first try!<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Simply Nailogical<\/a> is a YouTube channel run by a plucky girl from Ontario, Canada with a trucker mouth and two adorable cats. I watched her videos every chance I got, especially when the weight of the world tried to pull me down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Cristine and her cat Menchie<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

A few more stressful days at work went by, but what kept me going was waiting for that little pink UV lamp I ordered from Amazon to arrive on my doorstep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And one day, it came! On a Friday! I\u2019d have a whole weekend of painting my nails. Such a mundane and girlish thing to do, but I so looked forward to doing that and only that while I monitored my work email and doused the fires as needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All weekend long, I painted my nails. I also painted my toe nails. I soaked off the UV gel and painted them again! And again!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And ya know what, I didn\u2019t have a single twinge of anxiety\nall weekend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Monday rolled around and I (literally) had shiny new nails I couldn\u2019t wait to show off. And show off I did. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next weekend came along, I soaked off all the gel and tried out some nail art techniques.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Aww, it’s a little flower (that took me an hour to do!)<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Another week of calmness passed, even though work tried its\ndamnedest to beat the sh*t out of me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another weekend, another manicure, another week anxiety\nfree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At my next follow-up with the Doc, I was ecstatic to tell her the good news that my anxiety was under control. I flashed my gorgeous (then) snow-scene nails at her and told her my story. Not only was she quite impressed\u2014anxiety is a hard thing to beat on your own\u2014she also loved my manicure. Although I walked out with another renewal for my prescription, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. And this time it wasn’t a freight train coming for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
How fitting, while a snowstorm raged outside one also graced my nails.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Such a mundane and silly thing to be proud of, but you know what, that manicure represents something so much more than a girlish obsession with painting my nails. Each nail art design was another step forward . . . another step away from the anxiety that had been crippling me since September.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All thanks to a YouTube channel and a few bottles of nail\npolish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So Cristine-without-the-H<\/em>, thank you. I think you saved me from my anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
She makes it look effortless!<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

-Rissa<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Nail polish? How does that even . . . No, really. Just stick with me on this one. It\u2019s been a tough six months for me. Real Life has kicked my butt bad. As a result, my anxiety reared its ugly head again, I\u2019ve gone back on medication, and I\u2019m dealing with all the consequences […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[74],"tags":[75,77],"class_list":["post-684","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-anxiety","tag-anxiety","tag-passing-the-time","post-preview"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6odz9-b2","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1743,"url":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/2022\/07\/getting-back-into-the-writing-swing-of-things\/","url_meta":{"origin":684,"position":0},"title":"Getting back into the (writing) swing of things","author":"Rissa Renae","date":"July 11, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"June was stressful. The end. There's only so much upheaval, change, and spur-of-the-moment this Gold, chaotic-good, INTJ-Architect can handle before she blows her top. And said top t'was blown. It took me about two weeks to settle in mentally to the new house. It wasn't the constant beep-beep-beep of construction\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "British Columbia"","block_context":{"text":"British Columbia","link":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/category\/british-columbia\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/DreamJournal.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/DreamJournal.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/DreamJournal.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/DreamJournal.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":491,"url":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/2017\/04\/a-long-weekend-of-anxiety\/","url_meta":{"origin":684,"position":1},"title":"A Long Weekend of Anxiety","author":"Rissa Renae","date":"April 19, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"For those of you new to this, I suffer generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. Makes life a real roller coaster some days. This weekend was hard. Despite the fact I had managed a very rare four-day-weekend, I had a tough time getting through it. My anxiety decided to pack\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "About Me"","block_context":{"text":"About Me","link":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/category\/about-me\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/BlogHeader_LongWeekendAnxiety.jpg?fit=500%2C501&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":906,"url":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/2020\/03\/isolation-week-1-toe-nails-tarot-cards\/","url_meta":{"origin":684,"position":2},"title":"Isolation Week 1 \u2013 Toe Nails & Tarot Cards","author":"Rissa Renae","date":"March 22, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Last week, the inevitable happened. The schools shut down, much of my city shut down, and my company issued a work-from-home mandate. I can\u2019t say I was surprised, however I took the news with mixed emotions. Sunday night, as we read email after email about closures, the whole pandemic hit\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Anxiety"","block_context":{"text":"Anxiety","link":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/category\/anxiety\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/SelfEdit2.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/SelfEdit2.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/SelfEdit2.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/SelfEdit2.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":295,"url":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/2016\/04\/sometimes-life-gets-in-the-way\/","url_meta":{"origin":684,"position":3},"title":"Sometimes Life Gets in the Way","author":"Rissa Renae","date":"April 17, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm ba~ack. I\u2019ve been quiet lately \u2013 a bit of an oddity for me, I\u2019ll admit. Since Christmas, a lot has happened and my writing has had to take a backseat to life's curveballs. I live in Alberta, Canada in the major Oil & Gas city of the west \u2013\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "About Me"","block_context":{"text":"About Me","link":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/category\/about-me\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Life.jpg?fit=535%2C535&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Life.jpg?fit=535%2C535&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Life.jpg?fit=535%2C535&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":945,"url":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/2020\/04\/isolation-week3-even-my-house-hippo-wants-out\/","url_meta":{"origin":684,"position":4},"title":"Isolation Week3 \u2013 Even My House Hippo Wants Out!","author":"Rissa Renae","date":"April 6, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Well, March came in like a lion\u2026 but out like a jerk. Snow, frigid weather, nasty windchills. Like, what the heck Mother Nature? Yeah, we may be confined to the neighbourhood, but I still have to walk my dog! Instead of the hoodies and jeans I should be wearing, I\u2019m\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "COVID19"","block_context":{"text":"COVID19","link":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/category\/covid19\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/HouseHippo4.jpg?fit=356%2C356&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":985,"url":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/2020\/04\/isolation-week-4-gone-to-the-birds\/","url_meta":{"origin":684,"position":5},"title":"Isolation – Week 4 – Gone to the Birds","author":"Rissa Renae","date":"April 15, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve heard the adage, April showers bring May flowers. This year, however, April has been snowy and bitterly cold. We should be seeing temps in the high single digits (that\u2019s high 40\u2019s for my fellow Americans), but we\u2019ve had temperatures fall as low as -14C (that\u2019s about 7\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "COVID19"","block_context":{"text":"COVID19","link":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/category\/covid19\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/2020_WinterPorch.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/2020_WinterPorch.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/2020_WinterPorch.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/2020_WinterPorch.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/684","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=684"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/684\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":702,"href":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/684\/revisions\/702"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=684"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=684"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rissarenae.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=684"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}