Author of Teen Paranormal Fiction

Category: About Me

A Long Weekend of Anxiety

For those of you new to this, I suffer generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. Makes life a real roller coaster some days.

This weekend was hard. Despite the fact I had managed a very rare four-day-weekend, I had a tough time getting through it. My anxiety decided to pack a few overnight bags and overstay its welcome.

The last time I had a stretch off, I felt relaxed and emotionally even. I had picked up my laptop and did a boat-load of writing. I hoped this weekend would yield the same, but sadly, no. I know the things that triggered my anxiety were ‘all my fault’—lines of thought completely avoidable, which is why I know that I did this to myself.

Friday we had to prepare for a big Easter potluck and gathering of friends.

Saturday was the big day and the house filled up with love and laughter.

Sunday turned into errand day.

Monday was spent entertaining the little man and crawling the mall.

Always time well spent!

This should have been relaxing, but my mind and my anxiety made it anything but.

I started thinking: “I have four days off and I’m busy all four days. This is supposed to be a mini vacation! What happened?” I know I focused only on the tasks and chores, and couldn’t focus on all the free time and quiet retreats I’d get. This weekend, my medication completely failed me and couldn’t keep up my positive vibes. This weekend, the anxiety won.

Sleepless nights led to exhausted and emotionless days. I sat on the couch and poked around at blog posts I’m staging for May, but that was about all the creativity I could muster. I picked up a book to read, but couldn’t focus on the words. I picked up a pen and paper, but nothing came out. It wasn’t until Monday afternoon, sitting on the back porch with nothing but me, the sun, and a very vocal American Robin, did I start to find serenity. At the end of my four day weekend, my writing was rewarded with a few lines of scribble in a new journal I bought to try to boost my mood.

Even a new notebook wouldn’t help 🙁

Come Monday night, I turn the alarm on my phone back to ‘work’ mode. A punch of sadness gets me. I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing these past four days other than to watch a few episodes of a show on Netflix and do some laundry. Even though I know I’ve accomplished so much more—hosted a party, went to the mall with my favourite little man, etc.—I don’t feel relaxed. When the anxiety wins, I feel like everything was all for nought.

And not a minute earlier!

Times are especially tough since the hubs is also coming down with serotonin-deficient symptoms. Since depression runs in both of our families, it was inevitable that this would affect both of us. Whatever the hubs is going through hit him hard this weekend too, and I didn’t want to bring up my anxiety for worry that I’d cause him even more worry or suffering.

So, I put on a big smile and act like I’m not silently crapping myself. I must have done a good job because the hubs told me it was so nice that I was around this long weekend because I always have such a positive attitude and good energy. It’s bittersweet because it really is all an act. I smile because I know it’s socially more acceptable than a frown. With there being such a stigma around mental health, it’s hard not to plaster a smile on your face and tell everyone that everything is fine when it really isn’t.

Well, here’s hoping I’ll be able to get through the week and actually enjoy my next weekend. Keep that positive attitude, right?

The INTJ Creative Writer

Or: The Brain of the Mastermind

I’ve wanted to write this post for a while now as I find personality typing fascinating. Knowing your personality type and how it equates to creative writing can help you to understand yourself, how you deal with the inability to write (aka writers block), and how you work through your writing. It can also help you deal with other personality types around you, but for the sake of this post, we’ll stick to the creative writing aspect.

There are 16 personality types, according to Myers-Briggs, the definitive system for sorting brains based on personality type. If you know your type, it can help you learn more about how you function. In this post I hope to share a bit about us oddballs of the world, the INTJ’s, and how we work.

Evil MastermindUs INTJ’s – we don’t think like the rest of you. No really, we don’t; it’s scientifically proven. Personality profiles classify us as either Architects or Masterminds, and that’s exactly what we are. We’re the one’s devising strategy – watching you from the corner, analyzing, gathering information, determining the probability of success. Only after we’ve watched you either succeed or fail, will we then act. And our acts are not small, because deep down inside, we want to change the world (or rule it, but that’s too much work). Fictional characters like Bruce Wayne and Severus Snape are INTJ’s, along with Issac Newton and Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.

The INTJ Writer

As writers, we can’t just write about anything: we only write about those things that interest us. As technical writers, we’re focused and results-driven, but as creative writers, we tend to be all over the place, mirroring our interests. I’m not sure if I speak for all INTJ’s on this, but within my genre (Young Adult / Teen Fiction), I have several pursuits from high/epic fantasy, to science fiction, to horror all going at any given time. These are the areas that interest me. And when an INTJ becomes interested in something, we consume that something until we’ve learned all there is to learn. We’re abstract, we’re ambitious . . . but only if it’s not a lot of work.

We’re great at the ‘big picture’. We establish the world, determine its boundaries, and then attack with characters, plot, and creationism.

What Makes an INTJ tick?

I – Introversion

Okay, let’s get this straight: Introversion doesn’t automatically mean we’re the shy, anti-social outcast sitting in the corner watching you. True, we are watching you—watching from the sides, gathering information, determining if something is worth our time our not. Our actions are determined from our own internal world. We’re not spur-of-the-moment, we hate surprises – anything we can’t predict is bad. So instead, we watch. The larger the group of people, the more we’ll head to the outside and watch because large groups are unpredictable as opposed to small groups. Keep in mind the Mastermind connotation; we’re quiet and we’re analytical because secretly, we’re gearing up to rule the world while you’re downing your third beer or chatting with your fifth stranger.

Beware the Introverts

It’s always the quiet ones

N – iNtuition

We rely on insight and ‘what’s worked well before’. The information we’ve gathered from our environment and by watching others rules what we ourselves do. It’s not a ‘gut’ feeling, that’s for the INFJ’s of the world.

For me, I hate to be first to do anything because being the first comes with the possibility of failure. I want to sit back in safety, watch, gather information, and then do. I won’t be the first to cross a street in a group of people—I want to watch to see if anyone slips, trips, or gets hit by a car. I won’t be the first in line for anything, although I will wait several places back in that line. I even hate being the first in line at a traffic light. If you want to call me a follower, so be it. I prefer to think of it more as sending a pawn in to battle to determine the best line of entry.

intuition

T – Thinking

When a decision is to be made, we ponder, and we think. Logic is a big part of what we do, simply because we’ve gathered so much information over the years that we’ve seen the patterns, we’ve determined outcomes, and we’ve figured out where things will fail far before the decision starts to mature. We know where this is going.

We’re skeptics; new ideas are bad because they’ve never been tried before and we have no information upon which to base a favourable decision. To say we fear change or the unknown is not exactly accurate; we fear the statistically unknown. Unknown implies failure, and who wants to fail?

Lovecraft

J – Judgement

It’s all about the end game for us. Nothing is more important than seeing a project come full circle and wrap up. We won’t take on anything with a poor likelihood of success unless forced to do so. There’s a possibility we will succeed? Nope, I don’t deal in what is possible, I deal in what is likely, and yes what is possible and what is likely are two different things. And I’ll likely be a pain in your rear end if you drag me into a hopeless project with only the possibility of success.

Ender Wiggins

Ender Wiggins (Ender’s Game) is also an INTJ

How INTJ’s Write

We’re a different type of writer, just as we’re a different type of personality. What may work well for other personality types will bog us down. There’s a perfectionist side to us; a need to get it right. Nothing short of perfect will do. We sweat the small details – is that chair in the corner of the room red or burgundy? What we see in our minds eye has to make it to paper in whole, or we’re not pleased. Some may see us as inefficient where we’re really not moving forward until everything is working like a well-oiled machine. Think of the INTJ’s as quality over quantity.

badwriting_galaxyquest

Go deep or go home

The best way to describe our writing style is ‘deep’. Although our focus may seem narrow (like re-exploring the typical end-of-the-world scenario through the hero’s eyes), we dig into the depths and the corners of that topic and pull out plot lines and twists of which you likely never thought. That’s because we have the big picture already; we know this scenario already. We can then build threads into the story and become the puppet master of our characters. We get those threads in place first – the foundations of the story – and then we dig deep into those foundations.

I couldn't resist an Inception meme

Sorry. I couldn’t resist an Inception meme!

When we start writing, we may start with a scene in the middle of the story and work backwards to the beginning and forwards to the end. As new information comes to the surface, we often need to go back and adjust details in earlier or later parts of the story, all staying within those threads we’ve set up. We’ll adjust and rewrite until we get it perfect.

Leave us alone

When we’re in ‘the zone’, we want to be left alone. Nothing is more annoying than someone bothering us while we’re just trying to get the ideas onto paper. Usually, the inspiration starts externally. For instance, while we’re doing the dishes or mowing the lawn. We think and think until we have a solid understanding of the scene, and then we head to our computers. Interrupt us and we’ll likely turn into huge jerks. For me, I have to write in bed; the family knows when mom’s in bed with her computer, don’t interrupt or she’ll likely rip your head off!

2head.Quiet

We’re predictable, apparently

One aspect of our writing I’m not sure I agree with (but this has been pointed out to me before) is that we tend to be straight-forward, working towards an inevitable conclusion. Our plots are orderly and progress towards the end where there’s one and only one possible resolution. For me, that’s totally not the case in my writing. I enjoy lulling the reader into what they ‘think’ is happening and then hitting them with a curve ball. I’ve left enough clues behind in the writing (at least I think I’ve left enough clues!) that this twist shouldn’t be so shocking . . . and maybe that’s why people say we’re predictable? I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I’ve thrown a couple OMG moments at my beta readers no one saw coming.

Predict THAT!

Predict THAT! – via Instagram

Putting Order to Chaos

We’re pattern solvers and organizers. Another thing about us, and I hate this phrase, is that we think outside the box (bleck!), but not so much so as to pave new roads. We take what’s already known and re-engineer that data. Our antagonists can turn into protagonists and the progression makes perfect sense, or we can save the world in a completely out-of-this-world way. Remember, we’re unparalleled information gatherers and we’ve dropped subtle hints; if you’ve paid attention along the way, you should have seen this coming. Hmm. Maybe we really are predictable!

Things make sense to us, even if they may not make sense to others, and we can present this in a way as to not thoroughly confuse the snot out of our readers. My favourite author, Robert Jordan (The Wheel of Time) is an INTJ, and if you’ve read his series you’ll soon realize there is a huge weaving of plot lines (ha-ha, see what I did there), but they are presented well enough so that you can discern one plot from another. There are plenty of twists and turns, but if you’ve paid attention, these are more of ‘ah-ha!’ moments and less ‘Wow, didn’t see that coming’ moment.

What’s Next?

Man, this post is getting long! I’m going to split it into two parts. In the next post I’ll talk about writers block, because it affects us INTJ’s differently than it affects other writers. I’ll also talk a bit about organizing a novel from the INTJ perspective; being a pantser is a bit out of the realm of INTJ as it involves too much spontaneity, but it works well for me.

Planner_Panter

Are you a Planner or Pantser?

In truth, I’m likely a combo of the two as I do plan, but I mostly pants; that’s where all the best and most off-the-wall ideas come from. Giant pig demon anyone?

Until next post!

– Rissa

Sometimes Life Gets in the Way

I’m ba~ack.

I’ve been quiet lately – a bit of an oddity for me, I’ll admit. Since Christmas, a lot has happened and my writing has had to take a backseat to life’s curveballs.

lookout_brandonfields

Yeah, it’s a football. Technicality

I live in Alberta, Canada in the major Oil & Gas city of the west – Calgary. My area of specialty is waste processing in the midstream market (delivering oil and gas to the pipelines to be taken to the refineries). Even though I technically work in environmental services, our main stream of business comes from the Oil & Gas sector. And with the price of a barrel of oil similar to the cost of milk in the grocery store, no one’s completing projects that need the magic wand of environmental services.

magicwand2
To that, add my own health issues, health issues with my family, and even health issues with my cat, Meow Mix. To quote the vernacular, the beginning of the year sucked.

I won’t bore you with my family’s health issues as they’re more nuisances than threats to well-being or life, but I’ll highlight the others.

First off, my cat. Poor Meow Mix had 14 teeth pulled. She’s a Maine Coon, and her breed has a tendency towards a genetic oddity where her immune system will start to reabsorb her teeth. She’s no longer the ferocious hunter of birds outside the glass windows of the sanctuary that is our home. She now stalks cooked ground chicken and canned cat food. Poor, expensive girl.

via instagram

And then there’s me. And perhaps I’ll go into everything in a separate post, but for now I’ll just highlight. Given the poor economy and the hit oil-rich Alberta is taking, life has been stressful, needless to say. And all that stress brought to the surface a condition that runs in my family: depression.

I was diagnosed with secondary insomnia brought on by generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. On the surface, you may think anxiety is the opposite of depression, but they are in fact closely related. Both are the result of low feel-good enzymes in the brain called serotonin. In some, abnormal serotonin results in depression, in some like me, the serotonin imbalance equates to troubles making decisions on how to deal with the simplest things. To put it perspective, my anxiety got so bad I  was having panic attacks when the meeting reminder popped up on my compute,r and I could no longer drive a car.

I joke about it openly with friends – I say “I always thought I was crazy” but this is in fact a serious issue if left untreated. I was on the road to ulcers (I already had terrible stomach pains and had troubles eating), I clenched my teeth all the time which resulted in fracturing a few teeth, and there were a couple times I had to pull my car of the road because I just couldn’t breathe. I knew something was wrong but I just didn’t know what. I did know depression ran in my family, but I thought “I’m not depressed – I don’t feel down or hopeless, I don’t feel like the world has given up on me. I just can’t sleep because I’m worrying about stupid little things, and I can’t get through the day without panicking over something.

crazy_kitty

So without going into too much details in this post, I’ll end the personal update there for now. I’m getting back into the swing of things and writing again. The Rose Cross Academy Book 2 – Grimms and Garms, is a hair’s breath away from a completed draft of which I can send off to my editor. The draft is over 100,000 words, yikes! Risers and Dreamers just eeked over the finish line with 83,000 words. To add to that I’ve been thinking up a couple other stories and writing bits and pieces of those, as well as dusting off some previous work’s I’ve written. I have my NaNoWriMo 2015 project – a collection of short stories in the horror genre – which I’d like to put up on Wattpad or someplace so others can read them. The stories need some serious TLC before they’re publicly consumable.

hero3

Me vs. Book

I’m slowly trying to get back into the swing of things. I’ve been posting on Instagram and that’s been all I can focus on lately. Hopefully once I get over this speedbump in life, things will get back to normal and I’ll be able to get back into the social media swing. I published in December and pretty much disappeared off the face of the earth: not the greatest marketing strategy when you’re trying to sell books, right!

So everyone take care, in the mean time!

– Rissa

Hello world!

Hi, it's me!

Hi, it’s me!

Okay, so this may be my second (or third) blog, but there’s never a better time than the present to step out and say ‘hi’. My name is Rissa Renae and I’m an American-Canadian author of Young Adult/Teen paranormal fiction.

I spend my days in the disguise of a regular office worker directing my team as we keep a division of an Environmental Services company running in the Alberta oil patch. But by night, after the little one goes to bed, I shed the high heels and uptight clothing and become a stalker of abandoned cities and purveyor of knowledge pertaining to all that is creepy and chill-inducing.

My goal is to become a creator of chills and suspense somewhere between Hideki Kamiya (Devil May Cry) and Stephen King, but geared towards a teenage and young adult audience. I do occasionally step outside this genre for writing projects and those random ideas that pop into my head. I haunt NaNoWriMo every year and have a sci-fi novel and a high fantasy under my belt from my experiences.

So what exactly do I write? Well, for now I’m keeping that under wraps (I know, great marketing strategy huh?), at least until the first book gets out there. I’m shy on the details because a close friend had his idea stolen and brought to market ahead of him. What I will tell you is that my series is somewhat of a Devil May Cry meets Bleach look into the life of a not-so-ordinary high school student.

Alrighty, so there’s the first blog post out of the way. I still have quite a few sites to set up, and not to mention the yard work is calling me. It’s still calling me . . .

Hope the summer is going well for you!

– Rissa

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